So many times, in my own relationships I think that if there would’ve just been a mutual pre-determined cut off time to end all ties and work towards that goal – that everyone would be much better off. It always seems like the first stages are always the best. I would assume it’s because all parties are on their best behavior during that time.
Especially in a romantic relationship, the beginning of almost every romance is full of mutual admiration and adoration. Confidence is high for everyone and both people feel excited by the new love they feel.
After a few months, it’s almost as if a spell has been lifted and both people begin to let their true selves emerge. As this happens the unconditional acceptance previously felt appears to fade away. Women typically begin to complain that their partner stops listening to them and men typically complain that their partner wants to change them.
But when it gets to this point you begin to feel something is drastically wrong.
In truth, nothing is wrong- in fact the exact opposite is true. For the past few months both people have been on their best behavior. They have kept their houses clean, used their best manners, and as a result have received unconditional acceptance from their partner.
Once the initial fear of “Will this work out?” has passed, people want to be liked for who they really are. Suddenly qualities like being over-talkative, impatient, short tempered, not being in the mood, even needing some space show up.
Then I found some wonderful quotes from this book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” that could help all of us when this happens to us so maybe we won’t have to have that pre-determined cut off time and actually learn to live longer together in a happier mutually acceptable scenario. Just remember; reading them is one thing – but putting them into practice and really meaning it is another.
(I just picked out a few of my favorites)
“When a man can listen to a woman’s feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift.
He makes it safe for her to express herself.
The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement that he needs.”
“Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished.”
” when men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom ”
“we are unique individuals with unique experiences”
“Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close and not necessarily to get solutions.”
“Fortunately perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships.”
“Remember, if a man needs to pull away like a rubber band, when he returns he will be back with a lot more love. Then he can listen. This is the best time to initiate conversation.”
“Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do.”
“A woman should not be judged for needing this reassurance, just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.”
“When men and women are single for a long time, the differences are sometimes not as defined.”
“Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently.”
So to really answer the question – Do People Really Change? Yes, they do…I feel that we all react off of each other’s actions. So since it’s a known fact in any relationship that you can’t change others you can only change yourself – The best advice that can be given here is:
Change yourself to what you want the other person to be and life will be a better place!– hence follow the old reliable –